An Open Letter To The Girl Missing Out on a Milestone
I set out to write an open letter to all the fellow brides out there who are having to make difficult decisions regarding the overly hyped “Best Day of their Lives” due to COVID-19. I am a bride whose wedding has an uncertain future, too. And let me tell you, it’s an awful feeling.
But last night I said to my friend, “I’m so glad this isn’t happening during my senior years of high school or college.”
And at one point I said to my fiancé, “I’m so glad we don’t have kids.” And he said, “And that you’re not pregnant right now.”
Then the Olympics were postponed.
We are all missing out on major milestones right now. Graduations, 100th birthday parties, 1st birthday parties, bridal & baby showers, finishing Kindergarten. Our lives have been put on hold for the greater good and while our logical brains know this, it still hurts.
New York Presbyterian announced earlier this week that partners will not be able to be in the delivery room, as they are trying to minimize exposure for everyone in the hospital. It makes sense, but my heart breaks for the first time mom who has to go through labor and delivery alone. It’s scary enough, but now we are dealing with something we have never had to deal with before.
One of my best friends just bought her first house, the day before this all got bad. Now, they aren’t sure what the future holds.
There is no right way to grieve or prepare for the sacrifices we are making for our communities and loved ones right now. Feel your feelings. Cry your tears. Yell when you’re angry because this.isn’t.fair. We can still be good members of our communities and families while acknowledging that, for lack of a better term, this SUCKS.
To the girl missing out on a milestone,
I understand you. Is there ever a good time for a pandemic? No. But if you’ve found yourself whispering through tears, “but WHY this year?” You’re not alone. I’ve cried it, screamed it, swallowed it, and accepted it. And then go back to the beginning an hour later and cry again.
You’ve waited for this moment your whole life. Walking the stage at graduation. Holding your partner’s hand as you bring new life into this world. Your mom or dad walking you down the aisle. Your baby’s first birthday. Your grandmother’s 80th or 90th or 100th birthday. Your parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. Prom. Being the lead in your Spring Musical.
And now it’s been taken away from you. It’s not fair. No one has the words to make it better and the news is just making it worse.
Your stomach is in knots. Every push notification is like a punch to the gut. Every well intentioned, “It’s going to happen, just not right now” making you want to scream. So? We let it out. We write it down. We play a card game, pour a glass of wine, bake some cookies. FaceTime your friends again.
Life will go on. These moments will find a way to be celebrated. But we will know that it just isn’t the same. And you know what? That’s okay.
If won’t be the same. Life will never be the same after this. Don’t let anyone tell you your feelings don’t matter. They matter to me, because I am feeling them right along with you. The stomach sinking sensation has become second nature. The chapped skin around my eyes. The sarcastic jokes. The complete sadness and fear of being viewed as selfish. You are not alone.
I wish that was enough. I wish that fixed it and you could all have the days and moments you’ve dreamed of. If I could grant you that one wish, I’d do it in an instant.
So here’s to you, the girl who is stronger than she knows and more selfless than people give her credit for. Here’s the girl who has looked in the mirror and thought maybe she deserves this. You don’t. No one does.
You matter. Your moments matter. You are not alone.
Love,
A COVID-19 Bride and friend
My comments, email, DM’s are always open if you are struggling right now. So many brides have reached out to me and I wish I could tell you step by step what to do, but I am right there with you! I say a prayer every hour that everything will sort itself out soon, our communities will be safe and healthy again, and we can return to a normal (but more grateful) life.
Stay safe, stay home, and I’m always here for you.