Wedding Wednesday: A Marriage of Equals

When I was sent a review copy of A Marriage of Equals by Catherine E. Aponte, Psy. D from She Writes Press, I was a little nervous. I don’t typically read a lot of self help style books, plus I felt like “marriage advice” books were for couples who were in trouble. I can’t say my mind has been changed towards the genre, but I can say this is a wonderfully important book that made my little feminist heart so happy. 

What stood out to me the most about this book was that it focused on removing gender stereotypes from marriage. Early on, Aponte states that her research is primarily aimed at heterosexual marriages, as internalized gender norms don’t plague homosexual marriages as often. However, she does state that the takeaway of the book is universal and open to all couples. I appreciated this detail so much! It was something i didn’t even think about until I read it but i really think it was so inclusive of Aponte to highlight that all marriages are valid.

I think we all have a lot of internalized misogyny that we need to fight against. For example, when Nick and I went looking at apartments, we both got overwhelmed during the leasing process. It had been a long day and the last thing i was mentally prepared for was to go through contracts. Nick was just as tired and confused as I was, but I looked to him to take care of everything, since he’s the husband-to-be. Is this something I’m proud of? No. I am perfectly capable to handing adult responsibilities like this; I went through the process of finding an NYC apartment by myself already, and let me tell you, that is NOT an easy process. But now I have a better understanding of how to deal with these internalized expectations.

Now, I am very lucky in my relationship. I have a loving fiancé who is going to be an amazing husband and father. I want to be a great partner as well, and reading this book helped me check myself and my habits. I’m actually going to pass it off to Nick and see if he recognizes any of the habits or internalized gender roles it describes. There were things I discovered about myself I didn’t think possible, especially since I’m such a feminist! 

Fair warning, it is a little bit of a dry read. I mean, it’s self help, not a thriller or work of fiction. I enjoyed reading it one chapter at a time in the morning or at night while reading another fictional piece. 

I think this is a great book to read as a couple, regardless if you’re preparing for marriage or not right now. It’s fascinating psychology! 

Thank you She Writes Press and BookSparks for the free copy in exchange for this honest review!