Mid Month Check In: February 2021

I know we’re more than halfway through February, but I forget every year how short this month is. 3 days really does make a difference! By nature, I write to process my feelings. I’ve been mentioning in my Weekly Wrap Ups how drained I’ve been feeling and how life has just felt really hard recently.

I know I’m not alone. The pandemic wall has really started to take its toll and we’re all just trying to survive. I read a quote recently that said:

My mental health really changed when I stopped asking myself, “Why am I so lazy?” and started asking, “Why does my body need so much rest right now?” Read that again.

We have been in overdrive for a year. Our fight or flight systems are completely overwhelmed. At least for us, we haven’t had anything to look forward to. No trips, not the wedding we dreamed, no seeing friends and family. It has been HARD and I’ve been trying to respect what my body needs. Right now? That means no multitasking unless it’s cleaning with an audiobook.

It’s respecting the need to sit down and rest and read a book that brings me joy. There is privilege in that, I know, but there’s also awareness. Sometimes, you really just need to take care of you.

Something that really hit me hard recently was the realization that Covid has completely altered the trajectory of my life. My career will never be the same or recover. We lost a year of time to be married and start a family. We lost out on time with our parents and extended families. We lost out on the experience of a bachelor/bachelorette party to spend a “last hurrah” with our friends before we all settle down and families. Once all this is “over” we’re never going to get that time back.

So it’s safe to say that I’ve been really struggling with how to balance the strong emotions I feel. From outright anger, to deep deep sadness, to numbness, it’s hard to feel like I have control over anything. I’ve alluded to these things on Instagram, but I’ve also continued to try to sugarcoat things so I don’t trigger anyone else. We have all experienced this pandemic differently.

So, this month has been about cozy rereads and leaning on my favorite stories. So far this month I’ve read:

A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas (reread)

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas (reread)

A Promised Land by Barack Obama—Need part 2 ASAP

You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar—A MUST READ

It’s Not Summer Without You by Jenny Han—This MUST be enjoyed via audio. It’s on Scribd and I squealed.

We’ll Always Have Summer by Jenny Han—I finished this book in a DAY. A WORK DAY. Almost must be enjoyed via audio.

As you can see, I’m balancing things. Important stories that I need to read, a favorite series I can lean on for comfort, and escapism. Balance, my friends. It’s what we all need right now.