Wedding Wednesday: A Post I Wish I Didn't Have to Write
This is a post I wish I didn’t have to write, but I’ve shared so much with you all that I feel like I owe you this too. Plus, so many 2020 brides have reached out to me via Instagram who are also going through this. Though it isn’t easy, I know I’m not the only one experiencing this. But sadly, we’ve made the decision to postpone our June wedding.
That hurts even to type.
I held out hope for as long as I could, but in the last 6 weeks of stressing out about this decision and crying way more often than I’m proud of, I’ve realized something: There will be no going back to “normal.”
When this is all over, our lives are going to look very different. It will be a long time before we even have a new normal.
Nick and I have had a long engagement due to some family circumstances beyond our control but also because we have jobs that have very demanding time commitments. Our longer engagement has made this decision particularly difficult—we have been so ready to celebrate since the calendar turned to 2020. All we ever wanted from our special day was to be in the same room with the people we love most. While we are devastated, I know that day will come. It’s going to look a lot different than we planned, but it will come.
From reading my blog, you’ll know I’m extremely Type A. I am an Enneagram 3 and I hate change. This has been a huge lesson in allowing myself to feel my feelings but also knowing when to shake it off. In all honestly, I can’t cry about this anymore. I hate feeling “weak” and this decision has left me feeling so off kilter. I couldn’t take it anymore.
While I don’t feel at peace with this decision at all and I know more tears are to come, I know this is a day worth waiting for. I have always had a specific vision for my wedding and I am not going to let COVID-19 rob me of those moments: My dad walking me down the aisle, my best friends in the world dancing the night away, sharing the first day of the rest of our lives with the people who got us there.
I am going to do a longer post sharing how to go about postponing your wedding because it isn’t easy. But I want to remind you that no one is out to get you. No one wants this to happen to you. Banish all thoughts of judgment or the fears that the mean girls from high school or college are dancing on the grave of your wedding (well that got dark, ‘scuse my metaphor). Are they? Maybe. But they don’t matter.
I am the luckiest bride to have the vendors I do. As a gig worker myself, I know how hard the wedding industry has been hit by the pandemic. We did our very best to make sure we could move forward with our entire time in order to honor the contracts we made with them.
I’m particularly grateful for our photographer, Brooke, who has become a dear friend since I stalked her Instagram and charmed her into booking me for 2020 way earlier than she normally takes clients on. B, you’re the real deal and you’re stuck with me for life. You’ve made me laugh when nothing else could, kept my head above water when I wanted to drown, and reminded me of what’s really important in life, besides just Oreos and Vodka Tonics. Though what would we do without those, right?
If you have a friend or family member who is going through this right now, I implore you to remember that people don’t plan a wedding just for the heck of it. Every bride and groom knows that it is one single day and that they have the rest of their lives together. But no couple spends time and money planning their special day just because they feel like they have to—they WANT to celebrate with friends and family. While small ceremonies and court house weddings are an option, it’s not the right choice for everyone.
The best thing you can tell a couple experiencing postponement is this: “I love you. I’m here for you. It’s going to be beautiful no matter how and when it happens. I can’t wait to celebrate with you.”
We’re not looking for magic words. Unless you can make the world safe and healthy again, all we need is for our friends and families to hold our hands (virtually) and be there for the frustrated meltdowns and sadness.
Love always wins, but she certainly makes you work for it.
Photo by Brooke Allison Photo
I think it goes without saying, but I know it could be worse. I am lucky that I am safe and healthy, Nick is safe and healthy, and that we are together. Our families are healthy. But mourning a milestone does not diminish how aware I am of the seriousness of this global pandemic. Please do not try to make couples feel guilty for their feelings—grief is not a competition.