Surprise, we moved...

…and it has been a complete and utter whirlwind. 2020 has not gone the way I planned one bit and in July, we were thrown the hardest curveball yet. My sweet fiancé, one of the most hardworking people I know, was laid off from the company he had devoted the last 4 years of his life to. He gave up holidays, weekends, and once in a lifetime events to work for the company of his dreams. 

But with The Pandemic, live entertainment, especially live theatre, has taken a huge hit. 

With Broadway remaining closed, Cruise ships not sailing, and concerts canceled, the entertainment industry is deeply suffering. Unfortunately, that means even companies that have been around for years and are a staple in the industry are taking a huge hit. 

It was scary. We never thought we’d have to face the possibility of life without health insurance (during a Global Pandemic no less) and never imagined having to leave our home and my beloved New York City. 

Leaving New York was something we knew would have to happen, eventually. But we loved our life there and while we knew we’d have to leave ~someday~, we never imagined we’d be forced to make the decision to leave.

I won’t lie to you. This has been the hardest year of my life. I know I’m lucky that it’s taken this long for me to be truly tested, but this has undeniably been a year I wish never happened. We had so many high hopes for 2020 and it has let us down day after day. 

One thing we have learned is how much we lean on each other for emotional support. I tried really hard to pick up the slack financially, but with my acting income removed from our life, we just couldn’t make it work. And that was really hard to swallow. 

We felt embarrassed, ashamed, and beaten down. Part of me still does. So much of who I am feels defined by New York City. So much of my happiness came from the small apartments, busy streets, and MTA delays. 

We are lucky because Nick was able to get a new job relatively quickly. But that new job was not in the city. I cried a lot. And yelled a lot. I was angry with him because it felt like he was making me give up everything, in a year when I, and we, had already lost so much. 

While I am giving up a lot, I’m also gaining a lot and while the trade offs don’t feel like they’re going to make up for what I’ve lost, I’ll get there one day. When we postponed our wedding, a lot of people kept telling us, “At least you have each other. At least you are together.” We wanted to be like…well duh. However, those words and advice couldn’t be truer now. We have each other, we are together, we love each other too much to let this drown us, and we will be okay.

We don’t know if this move is forever, but it is for right now. We’re allowing ourselves to go in without expectations. Right now, we need to focus on us, our future, and our financial stability in an ever changing world. 

I don’t want to answer a ton of questions about this or the process as it’s been a really emotional time for me and continues to be incredibly emotional. Honestly, how I’m feeling changes each and every day. 

We’ve moved to upstate New York and that is where we will remain for now. 

Regardless of how difficult this year has been, I want to acknowledge that I know how privileged I am. We have a home, friends, family, health insurance, and a bright future. It may not be the future we imagined, but we do have a lot going for us and I know how lucky we are to have all those things. 

Wear a mask. Respect social distancing mandates and recommendations. Wash your hands. People’s lives and futures are being drastically affected by this Pandemic and if our government refuses to help its people, we need to look out for each other. 

If you made it this far, thank you for respecting our privacy and understanding that while I do share so much of my life, sometimes I need to hold some things close to my heart.